What is Limerence?

Before talking about what limerence is, let’s talk a little about its beginning. It may have been around since then, but it was first formally presented by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in her 1979 book Love and Limerence.

Limerence is a state of mind that feels like being in love, which she identified in her study of romantic love. Limerence is a state of mind consisting of a set of affective thoughts or fanciful ideas, either romantic or non-romantic, about another.

Intrusive feelings about the relevant limerent object (LO) or other sexual partner. A strong need to recreate or reciprocate an equally strong impression. The behavior of the mood on the action of the limerent object is extreme, such as being elated on feeling consent and frustrated on disapproval or disinterest.

Thinking about only one person at a time Inability to focus on others other than the limerent object. When in front of the limerent object, they become mentally helpless or extremely shy, and physical changes such as sweating, tremors, and increased heart rate occur. Feeling some inexplicable heart-wrenching pain.

Having the relevant limerent object rooted in one’s thoughts without realizing it. Even if you try to focus on something else, the limerent object itself is the embodiment of thought.

In addition, often speaking the name of the limerent object without realizing it, the name may be written without realizing it. These are the points I have included. On this topic I would like to go beyond what is in Dorothy’s book and present my thoughts on this. Because as far as I can see, everyone has loved at least once in their life or unconsciously attached to a limerent object.

Whether it is called love or limerence, whatever the name is, almost everyone has experienced the set of emotions we are talking about here. Often this happens only once in a lifetime.

If we leave aside the literal meaning of these two words “love” and “limerence”, this article will be very interesting for you. Because, if a person who is emotionally attached to some limerent object reads this article, he may feel sad after realizing that the feeling he is clinging to is not the feeling called “love”.

Regardless of the name, the feeling is indescribable, but that set of feelings is very beautiful, painful, and difficult to let go of. This article will help you grow from this state to a very deep, exemplary and understanding mutual love.

However, this is not a mental disorder but a mental state or level that occurs over a period of time. But sometimes this can lead to or contribute to mental disorders such as depression, anxiety, mood swings, and stress.

Fantasy Vs Reality

This is a collision between fantasy and reality. We can put love on the side of reality and limerence on the side of fantasy. Love is interpreted by many as a very beautiful thing, but not really love, this state of limerence is beautiful.

What we do know is that reality is indeed full of suffering and obstacles. Fantasy is what creates the environment we want in our psyche. So love is a deep concept that goes beyond childish thoughts and behaviors.

We have heard that it is “love at first sight”. But looking at it this way, I suggest that instead of the word “love” there, the word “limerence” is appropriate. However, we were told not to take the literal meaning here.

However, think about why we fall in love with someone at the first sight. Sometimes the very simple and childish factors like the person’s hair, the way they walk, the way they talk, the way they dress, the smile, the teeth, the eyes, and the dimples on the cheeks when they laugh are some of the reasons for this.

See how childish these things are? Because our insides want to live in such a childish and cute life. But do you think such simple criteria alone are enough to build a successful long-lasting relationship? Never.

Sometimes, people in this situation hesitate to even talk to their limerent object, because they fear that their psyche will collapse as a result of talking to them in the real world. They are afraid of how their limerent object will react. They are very afraid to accept that uncertainty.

They don’t need to face the reality of the real world, because they travel a long way in their psyche with their limerent object. Even a gentle smile of the relevant limerent object is enough for them to be intensely happy.

The phenomenon of satisfaction is created in us with the hormone dopamine. Usually, this dopamine is released on the basis of some benefit received. But here it is mentioned that this dopamine hormone plays a big role from the first time we start working to get some happiness or pleasure.

So people at this mental level value this psychological satisfaction more than building a real relationship.

Limerence exists less than love. But more than infatuation. Usually limerence’s brilliance lasts for a maximum of two or three years, after which it gradually begins to wane and fade. Infatuation also begins to decline after high levels of satisfaction. But love doesn’t have that kind of dramatic short-term ups and downs.

Love is the mutual bond that comes naturally with understanding each other well, understanding each other’s likes and dislikes, and correcting the differences. In love, the established relationship can be maintained for a long time as both are truly mutually understood.

You can’t judge a person just by looking at outward appearance and behavior. Also, it is not enough to build a good and strong relationship. A person’s thoughts, opinions, philosophy, virtues, values, etc. are certainly important for maintaining a successful relationship.

In it, we have a better understanding of our limerent object or our partner’s reactions in advance, and we don’t have the fear of losing that person.

In limerence they are very selfish and they look for factors for their own happiness. But in love, they provide care and protection for the other person, and think about that person’s well-being and happiness.

They are used to living by sharing the sorrows and joys of life, but in limerence the sorrows and joys are experienced by the person alone.

Also, in limerence, what they do and say takes a very arbitrary form, they are built on evidence and data that are unique to them, and they experience everything through their own minds, and sometimes mental stress can also occur due to many factors.

Get out of the dream world and come to the real world, ask the person you are interested in, and understand with time whether that person is suitable for you or not. At the same time, if the two are compatible, a strong relationship and trust will develop naturally between them over time.

Sometimes your personality type can also be a reason for these things. Read the article Personality Disorders to know about it.